Oculus (Oculus #1) Read online

  I can’t lose her. Not Anna.

  Taking me by the hand, she leads me over to sit on what passes as our sofa. Rough wood cobbled together with a few pillows on top of it. Sitting down next to me, she draws me into her, holding me closely against her. She hasn’t held me like this since I was small. I can feel a sob fighting to free itself from my throat but I manage to crush it back down, even if just barely. Sometimes I hate the fact that they didn’t make me more of a monster. Being a killer with human emotions seems like a much crueler fate than simply being a killer. If I had been made just a bit less human then I wouldn’t be burdened by this damn pain. I wouldn’t be torn between listening to reason, and wanting to risk it all to save Anna.

  Leaning back, still enclosed in her arms, I look into her eyes. They’re so sad, so tired, that the fight against emotion runs right out of me. In her gaze I see the ugly truth. There is no way to beat this enemy, no way to win this battle; I’ve run out of time. The finality of this realization feels like a cold knife slipping into my gut. It must show on my face, because Anna raises a hand to my cheek.

  “Oh, Sic. My stubborn, wonderful, Sic. I don’t want to leave you, either. But death is a part of life, Son. You, better than most, know this. We don’t always choose how we leave this life. All we can do is try to do our best while we’re here.” I drop my eyes and she cups my chin. Raising it, she meets my gaze once more. It reminds me so much of that day in the lab, with Hoppy the rabbit, that my resolve cracks. A warm tear slips down my cheek as I stare into her eyes, memorizing her features. Gently, she wipes the tear away with her thumb.

  “I…” the words I’m grappling with seem stuck behind a lump in my throat. For her, I can let myself be weak. At least for a little while, I can give in to the pain and act like a normal human. Before I can let my tears free, Anna gives me another sad smile and nods.

  “I know, Boy. I know. But we don’t have much time. Make me a pot of tea. It will make it easier for me to talk. There are things I need to tell you…important things.” I don’t rise right away. Part of me is holding onto this moment. Trying to burn it into my brain. When I stand up and start making tea for a farewell conversation, all this will be real. It is the first step along the path of really losing her. Anna lets me sit with her for a few minutes, and then pulls me close into a hug. After a few more moments she starts coughing. Giving me a nudge towards the kitchen, she raises a cloth to her mouth, stifling her cough behind it.

  Once the biggest pot is on the fire, I help her into the kitchen to sit at the table. We talk for hours. First, there are names, meeting spots, pass phrases. How to get new contracts from the Resistance. Where to find The Black Market and who to talk to once I was there. She quizzes me on the locations of our caches around the area. When she has nothing more to impart, she sits, quietly sipping her tea, watching me.

  “Do you remember the first job the Resistance gave us?” Anna’s question, after so much silence, startles me a bit. It takes me a minute to wrap my mind around the question.

  “The three big-wigs? The ones that Corp security thought were completely secure?” Anna nods.

  “Those are the ones. You slipped in and used a different toxin on each of them. All three died of ‘natural causes’ that were so convincing the Resistance thought we were trying to use coincidence to our advantage. They weren’t convinced we’d actually been responsible. Do you remember what I told them at the time?” I smile.

  “Before or after the cursing?” Anna lets out a short laugh, followed by a bout of coughing.

  “After.” She looks so much worse than when we sat down. It’s like I’m actually watching her fade out of this life right in front of me. Keeping the flourishing grief out of my voice, I focus on responding.

  “You told them they were idiots, that any moron can kill people in a spray of bullets. But to be able to make your enemies wonder if their colleague actually just kicked it or if they were murdered, that was a great trick.” Anna smiles as she nods slowly.

  “Exactly. You need to remember…your training…you were made to be a subtle instrument and a blunt tool. Subtle will keep you safe. Only be blunt when you have no other choice…” Her coughing worsens enough that I carry her to bed. Laying her beneath the covers, I leave her to grab the blankets from my bed to cover her as well.

  Moving keeps my mind off the inevitable, imminent conclusion of her sickness. When I return with my blankets, I have a sickening moment when I think that she has slipped away while I was out of the room. Checking her breathing, I relax as I realize she has simply fallen asleep. Sitting next to the bed on a chair, I try to read a book, but I’m not able to concentrate and the words on the page keep blurring together.

  Her mention of my training brings with it all kinds of bad memories. My childhood had been non-existent. Quick-grown from infant to the biological age of sixteen in two years, I was then given gene therapy that returned my aging to normal. Even during those first two years I was subjected to a rigorous training program.

  My opponents were grown men, far stronger than I was. They showed me how to fight with my bare hands, then using anything as a weapon. Between the beatings, I was shown how to use more dangerous things. Explosives, toxins, poisons and how to hack simple machines. Anything I would be able to use to kill or to access my target was pushed into my brain. When I mastered something I was given an extra rest period, failures were met with severe punishment. They taught me evasion, camouflage, group tactics; if they could jam the knowledge into me, they did.

  By the time I was full grown, the beatings were given by groups of five or more skilled men. Many of the boys I trained with didn’t make the cut. Some died during the physical training, others went insane or attacked their handlers. Disobedience was rewarded with pain, dissent was met with death.

  The only good memory I have of that time is of a girl they would bring me to see. My handlers would clean me up, dress me in soft clothes, and take me down the hall to another room. I was told not to tell her about my training, or to do anything violent in her presence. I can’t remember her name. I guess too much time has passed for me to even remember if she ever told me. What I do remember is that we would play fun games together. She was so clean and gentle that I knew we were nothing alike. When she talked, she was always so happy. When she asked about my time away from her, I would look down then change the subject. I sometimes think that my dreams now are just reflections of the time, long ago, that I spent with her. A happy memory that my mind resurrects in a desperate attempt to experience happiness.

  On the day that Anna took me out of captivity, I was supposed to go and play with the girl. Instead of them getting me ready to go see her, the adults had all started acting frightened. They began rushing around talking about evacuation, saying something about the facility being in danger of being overrun by terrorists. Two scientists, a cruel chubby man with a strong hand and a thin woman who liked to stick me with needles were with me in the lab. They were getting ready to put me to sleep with something in a syringe when Anna came in behind them.

  “Burton, Gail, the security desk sent me down here. They need you both up there right now. I will finish prepping the boy for transport.” The burly man, Burton, turned and sneered at her.

  “Since when do you give any orders around here, Anna. Security can piss off. I’ve got my orders from Dr. Walters, and I plan to listen to the man. He is, after all, who signs our checks. Oh, wait. You don’t get paid do you? As an indentured employee?” The snide way he said it made me angry and I saw Anna’s cheeks flush.

  “Hey, whatever, Mr. High and Mighty. All I know is that security sent me down here to relieve you. If you don’t care why they want to see you that’s fine by me.” Burton glanced sideways at the thin scientist Gail who shrugged.

  “Hey, don’t look at me. I don’t want any issues with security. Let’s split the difference. I’ll stick the boy, put him to sleep, then we leave Anna to finish up.” As she said this she brought the syringe dow
n towards my arm. I remember not wanting to go to sleep. I wanted to go play with the little girl. My face must have shown something because Burton had taken a step towards me, as if to restrain me for Gail. That was when Anna pulled the pistol.

  Her first shot hit Gail squarely in the back of the head, dropping her like a stone. Burton had a chance to half-turn before her next shot hit him in the head as well. He went down, bellowing in pain. Stepping forward, Anna tried to finish him off. Burton knocked the gun from her hand with a flailing kick, then pulled her down on the floor with him. Without thinking, I retrieved the gun, checked the action, and then shot Burton once in the forehead. Anna had risen to her feet, covered in blood, and stared at me in shock.

  “We should go,” I said. Anna stared at me blankly, her pallid complexion betraying her being in a state of shock. “Anna!” Shaking her head, she held up her hand.

  “Wait,” she said. “I have to do a few things first.” She opened the cabinet marked with ‘flammable’ warning signs and threw half the contents to the far side of the room. The rest she set near the door. Pouring a line between the puddles and the full bottles, she grabbed me by the hand and led me into the hallway. Throwing a lighter back into the room, she huddled with me near the wall as the room behind us exploded. Alarms began to wail, sprinklers started to go off, and an automated voice began instructing us on how to evacuate. Anna led me out of that warren of concrete and pain into the world above.

  Since our escape, Anna has always been there for me. It was her ingenuity that got us out of the lab and covered our tracks so The Corp would not come looking. She was the one who found The Resistance and negotiated our way inside. Their suspicions of us has always remained, we’re outsiders after all, but since we joined The Resistance we have struck down major offensives without a shot being fired. Anna has a knack for finding key players inside the different Corp offensives and having me eliminate them. She is the brains, I’m the muscle. Now, faced with having to choose these targets myself, I wonder if I’m up to the task.

  When Anna wakes up, she’s thirsty and I’m relieved to see it. I give her all the water she wants and we sit silently together. Her cough is bad enough that she has trouble speaking but she smiles at me and squeezes my hand. After she falls asleep, I keep mopping her brow with a cool cloth, hoping that she might still get better. I fall asleep in the chair next to her bed as the light fades from the sky.

  I rouse in darkness, at first not sure what has awoken me. Then I realize that it’s the silence. With shaking hands, I light a candle on the table near the bed. Anna lies white and still under the blankets of her bed. Checking the watch lying on her makeshift side table I confirm the time. It’s just past midnight. Touching her brow I find that she’s still warm, but when I check her vitals it becomes clear that she has passed. Her eyes are open, and her head is turned slightly as if she had been looking at me. A small smile is now frozen in death, a parody of the woman who had helped me become more than the freakish genetic monster that I am.

  Sitting by her bed, in the flickering light of the candle, I feel a crushing sense of solitude slip over me. The only person that has ever known me has gone and left me alone. That she has done this against her will made no difference to my grief. For a time, I just sit there, lost.

  I find my way back to the world upon a road paved with rage. Venomous, burning bile in my throat nearly chokes me as fury against the world that would not give me a fucking break, fills my shattered heart.

  It’s not enough that I was created against my will. That I’m a freak, a monster, a killer without a soul. No, I also have to be alone and miserable. All because the fucking Corporations want to brutalize the world without consequences. They want brutal? I will show them how brutal a monster without a keeper can be. The beast they’ve brought into the world to kill for them will make them all suffer before I rip the last bit of life from them!

  After it’s light out, I rise and prepare Anna for burial. It takes me the better part of the day to dig her grave. I carefully select an out of the way place where she will have less chance of being discovered. I forge her marker from a bit of metal scrap, burning the words into it with a plasma cutter.

  Anna Franklin- She will be avenged.

  As much as I want to use it to mark her grave, I bury it with her. If I leave it above ground there is a chance someone will dig her up and sell her corpse to a Corp. They use bodies for fuel, and I’ll be damned if Anna is going to help their cause in any capacity. Her death is all the victory they are going to get from her. But she deserves a marker, and so much more than that.

  The house, that once seemed crammed, is vast now that Anna is no longer in it. Taking out the supplies, I carefully pack what I’ll be able to carry in a bag and hide the rest in a waterproof container. When the house is mostly empty, I knock over an oil lamp onto the middle of the floor. Throwing a lit match on the oil causes a huge blaze to spring up. For a moment, I consider staying inside the shack to greet the flames. A very real part of me wants to die here, to let the rest of the world sort itself out. Then I consider how pissed Anna would be if I did that and I reluctantly walk outside.

  Leaving the shack to burn, I return to Anna’s grave. It’s easy enough to find right now, but after the area is blanketed with the dead leaves of fall, even I might have trouble locating it. Because of this, and to be honest, because I’m not ready to say goodbye yet, I sit by Anna’s grave for days. As the sun starts to set on the last night, I stand up resolutely and start packing.

  In the end, it’s the thought of Anna looking down at me like I’m an idiot that gets me to my feet. I was stalling, something she had never let me do when she was alive. For the first time in my life, I’m faced with making a decision completely on my own. But more than that, I’m being forced to say goodbye to one of the few people that has ever meant anything to me.

  Moving to stand near her grave, I realize that there is one more conversation I need to have with Anna. There are things that I have to tell her, things I couldn’t say while she was alive. I lower myself down on the ground trying to figure out exactly what I want to say. When I finally speak, I’m surprised at the way my voice catches in my throat.

  “Hey, Anna. I guess this is goodbye. God this sucks…how the hell did we end up here in a little over a week? Things happened so fast. I didn’t really have a chance to…I want you to know…even though you weren’t really my mother…you were the closest thing to it that I will ever know. I already miss you…”

  My voice is hoarse. It’s hard to push the words out past my painfully constricting throat. Fighting the tears is pointless now. I’m alone, only Anna to bear witness to my pathetic state. If anyone deserves my tears it’s her. But I wonder who I grieve for more, Anna or myself.

  Tears slip from my eyes as I stare at the churned soil. “I’m sorry I didn’t do a better job of protecting you. If I had only acted a few days earlier I might still have saved you… I’ll do my best not to screw our plan up. I know how important it is. Hell, you died to make sure that it would still work. You left me alone to make…” I pause and take a few breaths to push back the fear, along with the searing pain that is welling up in my chest.

  “I know you think I can do this…that I’m some super being. But, I’m not…I’m just a freak. I don’t fit into this world, and other people sense it. Every time we have been around others they react to me with fear. If I can’t live with them, what does that leave me? Am I meant to live in the woods like some wild man, killing Corp henchman until they fall apart? ” I feel a sense of hopelessness descend upon me.

  Anna has always been there. She saw more in me than the killing machine monster that the Corporation had built. She’d saved me from being a Corporate weapon, driven by those corrupted by absolute power. I might never live a normal life, but at least I can try to be the man she wanted me to be. I think about what Anna would say right now and laugh as I imagine her reaction to this maudlin display.

  Wiping my swollen ey
es, I rise from her grave feeling like an idiot. I begin to leave, then stop and turn back. There is something I need to admit, something I need to say out loud. Anna would never hear it but I need to tell her anyway.

  “Anna, I should have told you…before…but I was afraid to. Then you got sick and we just ran out of time. The dreams are back, much worse than they’ve ever been. I can do more than see her now, I can smell her scent, feel her skin. I know I should have told you, I’m sorry. You said that some of my genetic batch started to see and hear things before they died… I’m afraid. I’m worried that the dreams are getting worse because my mind is falling apart. If that’s true, then I don’t know how long I have. I promise you, before the madness takes me…before I die, I will make sure our plan succeeds. The Corporations will get to feel what it’s like to be hunted. The heads of the snake will come off and the body will wither. Those bastards are going to know fear. They’re going to know what it’s like to be helpless. I will bleed them dry. You have my word on it.”

  The last bits of sun disappear behind the horizon as I sling my pack on. Jogging towards the edge of the clearing, I stop at the tree line. Looking back in the failing light, it’s hard to even make out the grave site. Feeling like my heart will never be whole again, I run off into the gathering dark.

  “HOW’D IT GO?” MY FATHER asks the moment I enter the kitchen from the side door. I choose to ignore the hint of admonishment in his voice.

  “They couldn’t—or wouldn’t register me for the Propensity Screening.”

  “I see. So you’ll give up this nonsense of going to Fenra Second School then?”

  “No. I won’t. I just need to go back. The administrator I talked to didn’t seem to know her ass from her elbow. I’ll speak with the dean.” I fill a cup with water and drink it back hoping that in the time it takes to drain my cup, I’ll gather myself enough to continue the conversation.